Any time anyone in this house gets hungry, it is my problem. Big people, little people, furry people, random neighborhood children that I didn’t even know were here; they all come and whine at me when they are starrrving.
That is why, when the weekend (finally) rolls around, I like to go out to eat at a restaurant. It always seems like a great escape to me. I won’t have to figure out what each person doesn’t like today and avoid making that. I won’t have to eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for the 4th time this week. I won’t have to get offended when someone mentions the “black part” and how they won’t eat that piece because they don’t like burnt stuff. And best of all, I don’t have to clean it all up afterwards.
Well, this weekend Grammie came to visit us and she offered to feed the other humans in the house so that Daddy and I could go out to a restaurant alone. ALONE!! (The furballs were still my problem, but at least they eat the food that you put on their plate after they whined at you the whole time you were preparing it.)
I accepted her offer and met my husband in the driveway before he even shut off his truck. He had just pulled in form work and didn’t know what the hell was going on but I jumped in the passenger seat screaming “Go! Go! Go!” like I just robbed a 7-Eleven and told him I’d explain on the way. I let him slide sideways around a few corners and get a good two blocks away before I told him he could slow down and that it wasn’t really necessary to go full-on episode of COPS. Sorry for the false alarm babe, but wasn’t that a rush?! Now I’m hungry.
We slid around a few more corners just for fun and tried to decide where to eat. Nowhere that you have to unwrap your food before you eat it. Nowhere that has their menu posted on the wall. Somewhere that serves beer. Decision made: beer and pizza. Pizza with actual toppings on it – vegetables, even. And meat that is not preformed into dinosaur shapes. This was going to be the most adult dinner ever!
When the waitress asked what we wanted to drink, I was so excited to order a beer without the word root in front of it that I sort of jumped and squealed a little bit. With a straight face, I quickly added an ice water to my order to calm my giddy self back down.
She set the drinks down and walked away and as I picked up the menu I thought to myself how nice it was to be able to focus on what I was doing without two straw wrappers whizzing by my face. And then I took a direct hit to the cheek. My husband can be such an ass sometimes! But it was nice to have a chance to catch up just the two of us…with the Facebook app on our own smartphones, that is. And since we have been together for longer than social media has even existed, we have only common friends.
“Hey, did you see that so-and-so got engaged?”
“Uhh, yeah. Saw that yesterday. And what’s-his-name got a puppy.”
“Yup, saw that. It looks cute.”
So after the most boooring round of current events, we ordered our fully-loaded, grown-up pizza and that was all. No $5 each kids meals that would go half eaten, no cheese sticks, no condiment cup full of pickle slices as an appetizer, just one totally adult pizza. And when it came, I didn’t have to cut someone else’s piece into 1,000 bite-sized squares before my own slice got cold first. I actually burnt my tongue on hot pizza, but that was okay because “Mmm…HOT PIZZA!”
The waitress came by to check up on us and asked if we needed anything else. Out of habit, I almost asked for more ranch instead another beer. That was a close one. We’re drinking tonight, not dipping…which also shattered my dreams of not using a public toilet for once.
When the check came I was curious to see how much we saved on the unfinished kids’ meals, two Sprites and the extra dip that I forgot beer actually costs money at a restaurant and it doesn’t come from a bottomless fridge in the garage. Broke even there, dang it.
As we headed for home we realized that it was only 7:30 pm and the kids were not even in bed yet. We had a sitter. We couldn’t go home while they were still awake! But where do we go? We’re too old to go to a hangout joint, so I thought about who else I knew that was confined to their own home due to having children. When my friend answered my call, I asked if the kids were in bed yet and if there was beer in their garage fridge. Yes and yes! And we all stayed up until 11:30 pm! And then I had a headache the whole next day until dinnertime that night…where I sat at the kids’ table.
If you liked this story, It was almost as satisfying as my (SOLO!!) trip to the grocery store!